July 18, 2017

Companies that (fill in the verb) Women

Nothing says mystery shopper like the man next to me, seemingly pondering over the same selection of feminine hygiene products that I am. Do you want pearls? Do you want wings? Are you feeling fresh and free or sully and shackled?

Today, I want enough money left over to buy a coffee. Unfortunately my dexterous iPhone  isn’t enough to navigate the complex pricing system set up by companies that are    (fill in the verb)    women. I need a mathematical genius, but she’s not around. 

Always, for example, is a brand that's been on shelves since this ‘gift’ appeared in my life 34 years ago. They sell panty liners (for light bleeding) called Dailies, and pads (for moderate-heavy bleeding) called: Ultra, Ultra Night, Ultra Secure Night, Maxi and Sensitive. Not only is the level of protection offered by these products more complicated than my health insurance so is the price per unit.

For 2.20 I can buy:          15 normal Ultra pads or
                                             14 normal Ultra pads with wings 

For 2.60  I can buy:        12 long Sensitive pads that are soft or
                                             16 normal Sensitive pads that are soft 

For 3.10 I can buy:          12 long Ultra pads

For 3.50 I can buy:          42 large Dailies liners with extra protection or
                                             38 long plus Dailies liners with extra protection or
                                             50 normal Dailies liners that are Fresh and Protect or
                                             52 normal Dailies liners that Fresh and Protect with a fresh scent or
                                             74 normal Dailies liners slim multiform with fresh scent 

For 4.75 I can buy:          44 normal Ultra pads or
                                             26 normal Ultra pads with wings or
                                             32 long Ultra pads with wings or
                                             22 long Ultra pads with wings (yes, same as above)

For 5.30 I can buy:         28 night Ultra pads with wings 

For 5.60 I can buy:         54 normal Dailies liners soft like cotton 

For 7.50 I can buy:          18 secure night Ultra pads with wings 

So the question is: what's the most economical purchase? No size comes in the same volume and no volume comes at the same price. Large, long, secure, extra, ultra and normal are making me confused, frustrated, angry, disjointed and litigious. 

How about you, sir? Have you figured what products could save me money? I bet you have. 


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