February 16, 2016

Post-Poo Drops

A picture of Aesop Post-Poo drops
“For instances where vigorous activity has occurred in the bathroom.”

Will this make me happy?


Not quite like locking eyes with a soul mate but discovering Post-Poo Drops on Uncrate did rouse an immediately desire to have them. Or, at least, investigate.

Aesop is cosmetic company from Australia. A.P.C. is a fashion company from France. Together they created a man-made, plant-based product that could save many relationships. Not that mine is at risk but like many European homes, our toilet is located in the centre of our apartment. With paper-thin walls, the bathroom is already a place people feel compelled to sing—loudly—but absent windows or ventilation, this room is also a place where gases and mould build. Guests are forced to hold it in or leave early. On occasions where we’ve downed poorly-handled lettuce or a large pot of coffee, we’re obliged to live under an aroma that can be all consuming. An odour that, if left to linger long enough, becomes a new standard for fresh air until a FedEx courier shows up at the door with a face that says it all.

Aesop is a luxury brand. It’s located in a reputable part of the city. It’s a place where you figure anyone who can afford the products has already found a way to eliminate pooping from their lives. With minimalist labeling and the pretence of a modern apothecary, Aesop will also require you to wear spectacles or to come right out and ask for it. How do you say “Post-Poo” in a European boutique? The answer: you find a friend.

“I’m not asking.”


“No way.”

But she was curious enough to watch me do it. At least I could count on her discretion. There would be no loud, embarrassing proclamations I can picture my mother making:

“My daughter needs poo-drops. You know, for her poop. Can I get some service over here. For her POOP.”

So I asked about "a product" one could use for the toilet. I even had a civil conversation about its efficacy. In French they are called “Gouttes Anti-Odeurs de Merde.” I was told I’d only need a couple of drops after flushing. Unfortunately it was noon and I had to wait a whole day.

The verdict: AMAZING.

With the exception of a momentary citrus scent, there is no odour. Also, the label doesn’t suggest any noxious chemicals are going into the water, but it does warn not to get it on the skin. Post-Poo Drops is the most effective deodorizer I’ve ever come across and the bottle will probably last a year. Now the challenge is to get my guests to use it, to show them how to use it without, of course, suggesting that they shit at all.

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